It’s really hard for me to share things in my life that don’t go as planned.
I am constantly putting this pressure on myself to be a perfect mom, look perfect, have the perfect body, run a super successful business and live this perfect life all the time and it’s a lot.
I’m a perfectionist and my expectations of myself and how my life should be on a day to day basis are often unrealistic
I was recently reminded of this by the universe in a ways that really shook me up. Last week for example...
I had a miscarriage.
It’s uncomfortable for me to share this because in my mind I feel like I’m going to be judged or blamed or maybe people will think I shouldn’t be talking about this publicly or that I shouldn’t be upset because I already have 3 kids and should feel blessed with the family I have. [which I do feel blessed but I was still upset]
I think miscarriage and loss is something that isn’t talked about a lot but happens quite often and after talking with other women who have experienced this I realized so many of us blame ourselves and feel some shame...
I mean I eat healthy, I workout, I take care of myself how could this happen to me? That’s the thing I realized though. That’s the lesson I learned.
You can do everything “right” and really it doesn’t matter. There is always a bigger plan. Something else in the works and everything that happens in our life is happening FOR US, not to us.
So as much as this post is super hard for me to share, I’m f*cking sharing because I will not being held prisoner my my thoughts or by the feeling of shame that I’m trying to work through. I want to be able to freely talk about the hard things with others so that we can all be ok with sharing and talking about the hard things.
I want to be open and honest during my challenging times so that I can lean on others and have others lean on me during their hard times rather than bottle sh*t up and pretend it never happened. [like I use to do and many of women I know do]
So yea this is my story and why I haven’t really been posting and blogging much lately.
I feel ok and I’m continuing to heal and Ryan and I will most likely try for another baby soon.
So to all my friends out there thanks for listening and following along. I want to be transparent and real and will be using my social media platform and blog for that from here on out.